I hate Twilight. I make no secret of this. Everyone who knows me Knows I hate twilight. I hate that it’s considered better than Harry Potter, I hate that it’s considered read worthy. Surely the only thing that pile of garbage is worthy of is a good burning. Fuel for the Fire.
Don’t burn a Qu’ran or The Bible, burn the Twilight books! I’ve heard the fires last longer due to the never ending purple prose. Some say it makes the fire look pretty, but it also makes the air smell like poo, so I wouldn’t stand too close.
I’m not just some bitter Harry Potter fan though, there are reasons for why I think this book is aneurysm inducing. Good reasons that don’t actually involve the assumption that I’ve never been in love or a relationship. If I was going to have a relationship, I sure as hell wouldn’t want one Bella Swan style.
First of all, i’ve not read the books, but I don’t have to to know what a twisted relationship Edward and Bella have. One, he’s a vampire. The only good rendition of a Vampire being in love with The Girl, was Bram Stoker’s Dracula. He didn’t sparkle, he walked the night like a shadow and most importantly, he was a bad ass, but a bad ass you felt sorry for.
Smeyer invented a vampire who has None of the characteristics of a vampire and then just made him pathetic, in that Woman-controlling, wife-beating way.
The whole set of stories read like a poorly written Fan-fiction. I’d even be willing to bet my phone on her being the author of My Immortal, which is somehow better than Twilight. Voldemort was a gay goth, yet he still remained badass and scary!
Edward is frightening for all the wrong reasons, but I’ll get back to that in a minute. Bella is a vapid, vain airhead who is apparently ordinary and boring, but like a Mary Sue, she walks through the door and zomg, everyone loves her! A BOY is looking at her, so that must mean he fancies her, right? And, AND, she has brown flowing hair. Now, of course, the Mary Sue Hair Colour of choice is either Blonde, because she is so irresistable and never questions her beauty, or it’s Brown, because brown means boring and it’s a surprise when all the boys fancy her because she only has brown hair and what guy would love a girl with brown hair?*
Remind me what colour Smeyer’s hair is? Oh, Brown you say? Funny coincidence… I think not.
So, following the description of how she looks, she says time and time again how beautiful and good looking Edward is. I’m sensing a fan-fiction-esque theme, here. He has No personality, but then neither does she. This doesn’t make them a match made in heaven.
The biggest urk I have against Edward is he practically stalked Bella. Stalking is Not romantic. Invading a girl’s bedroom and watching her sleep is Not romantic. Being dead and walking in the day and sparkling is not only NOT romantic, it’s really quite weird!
And most of all, he’s an emotional abuser and she is an obliviously vapid inane victim. She knows he’s no good, but this takes “loving the bad boy” to dangerous levels. She’s supposed to be a feminist? She’s supposed to be a role model to young girls yet she can’t do anything for herself. If Edward was any kind of a scrap of a man, he’d help her help herself, but it’s like a Stockholm Syndrome where, actually, Bella IS to blame. The sex and sexuality in it is SO unsuitable for kids that I can’t believe parents let them read it.
I won’t even go into the blood bath that is the birth of the daughter who ages ten times faster than human beings, but is actually still a kid when the warewolf guy decides that he wants to sleep with her… just because she looks like a clone of Bella at the age of 18. In the world where I come from, that’s not only statuary rape but also peadophilia. But she Looks 18, so that’s, like, totally OK, right?
Give me a break.
This book should be used as many examples. An example of bad plot, an example of one dimensional characters, an example of Mary Sue Author who somehow got famous, an example of publishers dropping the ball and most of all, an example of How Not To Write A Story.
But I take offense at this book being called an Example of good literature. She can no more compare herself to Tolkien or J.K than I can to Kobe Bryant.
*The opinion according to Suethors.