Dating Site Woes

Have you ever had a friend who, after finding themselves happily in a relationship, become insistent that their lonely, single friends also should be in a relationship with someone? Even if they have no interest what-so-ever in being in one? Especially if “Being Alone” and “Being Lonely” are not synonomous?

Well, I have. I’m sure my friend means well. She understands that right now, my living and health situations as they are, I have no time and place for a boyfriend. She has been insistent, however, that I should at least try to lay down some foundations for friendships that may or may not lead to having a boyfriend some day.

To cut a long story short, I agreed to have a look at Online Dating Sites. What was I thinking?

I’ve come to the conclusion that someone needs to make a list of Do’s and Don’ts for Dating Site Profiles. Following that conclusion, it took me a week to come to this conclusion:

I shall write one myself.

Feel free to read the above sentence in the style of Mel Brooks in Dracula: Dead and Loving it. You know what bit i’m on about.

Anyway:

Do: Read your profile information out to yourself so that you’re sure it sounds all right.
I read a profile that had the sentence “I like to go to parties n shit.” Now, I know what the guy was trying to say, but read that out loud right now. Does that sound like the best way to word it? Not really. What he meant was “I like to go to parties and other fun stuff that I can’t be bothered specifying”, what it came across to me as, was “I like to go to parties and defecate, it’s possibly my aim in life to go to as many parties as possible and defecate in as many rooms whilst I’m there.”

Don’t: Put your main profile picture as a group photo where there’s no way of knowing which person it is that’s the owner of the profile.
Yes, safety in numbers and all that, but I came across a profile where the only picture I could see was one of a large group of guys and one girl were on top of a mountain. The profile’s username didn’t give much information away and even though the gender was specified as male, that only narrowed down the possibilities by one.

Also, Don’t: Put your man profile picture as something that would be unappealing upon quick glance.
Some Dating sites only allow you to see the one picture on search, some dating sites only allow you to see the picture and not the whole profile, some dating sites give you a time/click limit of the amount of profiles you get to see.
Putting your profile picture as Nosferatu, like one person I came across, was certainly eye catching, but in a bad way. Similarly i’ve heard of someone putting their main profile picture as The Beast from Disney’s Beauty and the Beast, and their secondary photo was of Adam, the prince The Beast becomes after the spell was broken.

The rest of the profile was otherwise filled in seriously.

Do: Try and fill out most of the questions

Don’t: Swear too much. There’s a difference between saying “I swear casually” and actually doing it on your profile. The first can be warmed up to if given the chance, the second can put people off straight away.

Do: Put some effort in to typing! I can’t believe the amount of profiles I’ve come across that are littered with text talk and spelling mistakes. Yeah, ok, so there are character limits, but they’re actually pretty decent character limits. If you find that you’re running out of characters, you’re going into unnecessary detail on your profile. Otherwise, there’s plenty of space to say what you need to say.

You just look like an idiot if you use text talk on the internet. Harsh, but true.

Don’t: Put obscene or otherwise indecent photos up. Not only is that usually against the terms and conditions of most dating sites, but not everyone is on a dating site to be met with full frontal nudity or suggestive of such. You wouldn’t go out in the street like that, would you? You’d be exposing yourself indecently if you did. It should be the same on the internet.

There are sites specialising to those tastes, use them if that’s what you’re looking for.

One person’s profile was “suggested” to me by the automated match system. I would have looked further into their details if their profile picture hadn’t have been a very close close up of their…. frontal nether regions. Luckily for my sake, they were wearing underpants.
Another person’s profile pictures were just of them, standing in front of a mirror, photos taken at different angles, focusing on their… *ahem* assets. A conveniently placed towel and sport shorts weren’t leaving much to the imagination, if you catch my drift.

I really didn’t need to see either of that, I’d like to think i’m not alone.

Do: Sound enthusiastic about something, whether it’s a hobby, a job, an aim in life, an aspect of daily life. Anything.

Don’t: Sound too enthusiastic. You don’t want to sound single-mindedly obsessive compulsive.
One person’s profile I came across just had “You’re not in to *type of sport*? Then i’m not in to you!” in their interest.

It’s a good way of weaving out the disinterested, I suppose…

Do: Make sure that you haven’t changed much in each of your uploaded photos.
I came across an otherwise nice sounding guy on a dating site, but the variety of pictures put me off. I couldn’t tell whether it was the same guy in all of the photos! One or two, where it was just a different style of hair was the difference, was obviously him. But in others? Honest to god, I was hard to press for a family resemblance at least.

Don’t: Put too much of an old photo up. It doesn’t have to be taken that day or even that week, but some time that year is preferable. Any older and you could be accused of being deceptive. People can change a lot in a year, in very subtle ways.

And finally:

Be respectful of other people’s sexualities. Some people have it in listed their profile, some people have kept what they’re looking for hidden, some people can’t actually choose the whole range of their sexuality on some sites. If you’re talking to someone and they say “I’m not actually interested because i’m *Incompatible with your sexuality in some way*” don’t be a prat and try to convince them otherwise.

Apologise for the damn mix up, stay and chat if they’re friendly and you were having a good time, or politely leave.

This is aimed specifically at those wanting to argue with bisexuals, straight transexuals (I don’t get what’s so hard for people to understand that gender and sexuality don’t necessarily go hand in hand?) and asexuals.

Dating sites seem to be a heteronormative world and trying to muddle in with limited options when that’s not the case is very difficult. Don’t go on a crusade, you’re only making yourself look like an uneducated moron.

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One Response to Dating Site Woes

  1. […] as understanding as my friends are, one of my friends – the friend behind the idea of me signing up to a dating website, even – who is very happy in her relationship and, I consider myself very lucky here, isn’t […]

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