A Crafty Failed Journalist is Crafty

Monday 27 February, 2012

When I was in Secondary School, I developed this thing I called The Procrastination Hierarchy. It’s where you start with what you need to be doing, and then start doing something else, and then you get bored with that, so then you do something else instead, and then when that gets frustrating or the horror of three commitments going on at once gets too much for your mind to handle, you do something completely different. It achieves many goals at once:

1) Working on those (many) other things you hadn’t yet got around to doing
2) Avoiding the work that needs to be done most urgently

This carries on until, eventually, you’ve wasted so much time that you have no choice but to get back to your original piece of work and finish it.

The lesser procrastinators will finish and hand in what would have ended up looking like the half-arsed, late-started product of an allnighter it actually was. Those of us who perfected this method would know that a deadline is the kick we need and the closer it approaches, the more intelligent we sound, the easier it is to make a load of bumph sound interesting and relevant, and the easier it is for our imagination to run wild with us, so the work doesn’t end up looking like a carbon copy of the research papers we’ve taken the information from originally.

It’s a side effect of the sleep deprivation.

I perfected this method in 6th Form. I, The Queen of Procrastination, didn’t just go further and further up my tasks list and tackle them one by one to avoid the previous task until I was so far from the original task my mind was refreshed. Oh no. I multi-tasked.

I had, and still have, a lot of ADHD-like tendencies when I was younger, and working on school work and course work was no different. So I would get all the work I needed to do, all of my unimportant things I needed to do and I would flit from one thing to the next until I’d whittle down the tasks. That way, I wasn’t completely avoiding the original urgently done piece, I was adding bits to it as I went between everything, meaning I had less to do when it came to the deadline of the other pieces of work.

It was all a double, if not triple, whammy.

From what I experienced, it also worked well for University too. But I can’t endorse this particular method, as I dropped out before I could draw any conclusions. Any problems I had with seeing to my work had more do with the failure of the course, the lack of provisions available to me, and my declining physical health.

And so, finally why am I mentioning this, you’re wondering…

Well, here’s the funny thing. I have things I really, really, really need to do. Like quite a few things, actually. I have a list of it all. And to stop myself from whiling the day away over on Livejournal, like I usually do, I’ve announced a Hiatus there. And because I’m looking for a distraction from the other things I’m doing whilst I’m not working on them, and because I can’t go back to Livejournal without declaring myself a failure, I thought I’d pop over here and work my way up to announcing a hiatus here as well.

And, well, now I have. And it comes with the gift of letting everyone in to my little secret! Well, it wasn’t really a secret. People knew about my Procrastination Skillz and Methodz, they just didn’t appreciate them.

I’ve learnt to accept that, though. They say genius is never really appreciated. Just look at poor Sherlock Holmes.

So, here I go, to work on my Very Important Projects. I’d like to thank the person who inspired me to kick my backside back in to gear, but I don’t want to name him by name. He doesn’t know me, it’d just be weird and I wouldn’t like to risk an awkward atmosphere should we ever meet.

We probably won’t, but it’s better safe than sorry.

So instead I’ll say this:

Watch This Space!

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